Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Adam and Eve and Celery

This is undoubtedly an around the campfire topic.  It would be more colorful with a dram or five of Bundy Rum, or a slab or two of "Barbwire".

It is a bit religious, but surely the mind of the Bundy infected campfire addict can survive a little bit of religion.

The matter I would like to broach is the concept that Adam and Eve were perfect. If this is correct, why was this couple deprived of the joy of laying in bed together, eating crisp celery stalks? A pleasure that many of us ordinary, and manifestly, imperfect folk were allowed many times, forever after in perfect joy, of so doing.

I would, in support of my research into this most mind blowing correction of ancient times, cast a critical eye on the following depiction of the said couple.

This extravagance of nakedness is an example of the correctness of my statement, ergo eating celery in repose.

Let us consider the delights of eating celery in bed, as a couple, because this is the most exciting way to carry out this culinary delight.

It is well known that, crisp celery eating in this manner is only highlighted by the availability of salt as a condiment to add to the taste, or to the moment, or to whatever salt is found to enhance in this regard.

When one carries out this delightful exercise, is it not the normal custom to hold this salt in the depression known as the belly button?

It is not frowned upon for the partners in celery imbibing in this fashion to use the salt laden belly button of the other person, and some have even suggested that this increases the crispness of the stalk, of the celery of course.

Now, back to this age old depiction of Adam and Eve.  You will see that the artist has drawn salt repositories on both Adam and Eve. This, of course, is a blatant distortion of the facts. You see, it is from the very words of the most influential book on Adam and Eve and their kids, that Adam and his missus, were created—they did not come from an egg or from the womb of another mammalian species and thus would not have had an umbilical cord between them or any one else for that matter.

So on the subject of the first pair's perfection, why was it necessary to forbid them of eating apples, compounded by the loss of the joy of eating crisp celery, dipped in salt in the comfort and privacy of one's home?

Maybe, just maybe, if celery and salt were allowed, they would not have even considered eating apples, hey?

I leave this conundrum to others of vast religious knowledge, or to celery eaters, worldwide.

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