The Adventures - part nine

Eventually things got back to normal, yeah! I know what you are thinking dear reader, but remember I have spent some time in the desert sun. Never-the-less or even less than that, we must press on to the Northern Territory as we have dallied longer than intended in the Outback of New South Wales, near Bourke and places other than Bourke.

Old Pete intended to head for the next oasis, but he had this dreaded fear of the HERE after his last experience. It is not intended to indicate indirectly or intentionally that Old Pete had a fear of the here after, as you would have picked up, so don't try and make anything of that little bit of wordology. Although Old Pete had, at times, but not often, and only in the rarest of circumstances wondered what his circumstances actually were, which, if it has anything to do with the here after, is about as much as he had wondered.

One must be aware that to survive in the deserts of this country, and there are thirteen of them, deserts, not countries, one has to expect the unexpected, which is likely to occur unexpectedly when you least expect anything, expected or otherwise. Hence, it was with great expectation that Old Pete noticed three men in the distant haze, walking along in the opposite direction to Old Pete, Heidi the camels and the myriads of flies that seemed to have claimed the intrepid travellers over the last few days. This could be attributed to the fact that they had not reached the next oasis and the last ablutions at the previous oasis had become indistinct, which had left a distinct aroma hovering about the pair.

With Old Pete and Heidi travelling in the opposite direction to the three men, and the three men travelling in the opposite direction as Old Pete and Heidi the gap close at twice the rate of which would have occurred if only one of the two groups of many were heading in the opposite direction to the others direction.

With some anticipation, and a little excitement at meeting others of the human kind, Old Pete suggested that, maybe, Heidi would like to put some clothes on so as not to disturb the men as they passed. to which, Heidi suggested that Old Pete was a fuddy-duddy, but she complied anyway.

"G'Day" Old Pete called to the three, but as they were still ten mile away it is suggested that they didn't hear him, or that they were hostile, or that they couldn't understand Australian, or that they could understand it but couldn't speak it to return a like greeting.

Giving the V8s a little nudge, Heidi and Old Pete covered the distance in 10,26.00 seconds on the old scale, dragging the cargo camel for the last half mile had slowed the pace down from the previous spurt of the V8s.

Old Pete could see that the three men, who were carrying lots of little pressies all wrapped in coloured paper, were Afghans from the old Afghan tribe of wise men. However, (I haven't used one for a while) these three were not true wise ones as they were looking for a place in the middle east, and the middle east of another country, not of the middle east suburbs of suburbia where there is a lot of people of Middle Eastern Appearance.

Old Pete's "G'Day" and Heidi's Gooten Morgan Herr wise ones." were greeted with some bowing and bending as they tried to get a better look at the partly dressed Heidi.

" I'm Old Pete and this is Heidi." Old Pete offered.

"Salem Heidi" the three chorused, " Me, Amhere said the first one. Amhere Azwel, said the second and the third proudly announced his name as Amhere Azwel Azhim.

As the trio of three moved on, Old Pete heard them mumbling in their beards on their clean shaven faces, ' Shame to see woman alone in the desert'. 'Shame to leave woman alone in the desert', but he could not catch the third one's words so he didn't worry about it no more.

I vunder vat they vass doing out here inda' the desert, dear Old Pete?" That was Heidi asking.

"Dunno" said Old pete, " But one was carrying a present for a couple called Myrrh and Frank Incense. which wuz writ on the parcel."

"Tis not the time to be merry, and haff a will from a good man?" Heidi again.

"Ya' mean Xmas?"

"Ya, das is da thing."

"No, my little one, it is closer to Easter by my sun dial."

"Vell! Someone is gunna be a bit dissapoint when they get to where they iss goink, Ya?"

"Yeah! I reckon they are spies for the tourist Advisory Board and ASIO." Old Pete's face turned white at the thought, and ashen, plus a light shade of grey at the thought of his face changing colour like that..

"Vy iss dis, Pliss?"

"Didn't ya' get the names? AmHERE, they wuz all called AmHERE ,summit."

"Now, dear Old Pete, do not be cummin undun on me. Hold your self together in pieces of strongness, Ya?"

Old Pete reached deep into his Outback strengths and powers. His aged old ability to cope, his resolve in the face of the unfathomable that is deep in the fathoms, and through his chattering teeth, the tears pouring from his eyes and his shaking hands muttered. "Don' worry, be 'appy, I is in control now, or will be after I throw a good tantrum."

At the next oasis old Pete nearly turned sane when he saw what he thought was writ on the Tourist Advisory Board board. He thought it said, You Are AmHERE; however, having wiped the caked dust, caused by his tears mixing with copious amounts of dust and flies, and a few grasshoppers that had hopped around looking for grass to hop on, he noticed that it only said the obligatory "You Are Here", as he thought it should, but also thought it shouldn't as it made him a bit paranoid, would you believe?

"You vill just haff ta' gett'en used to it, dear Old Pete." Heidi tried to console the inconsolable, but it was no consolation to the crusty Old Pete, who had not been able to be consoled.

"A svim vill cheer you up." Said Heidi and was in the water, naked, glistening before Old Pete could feel his console working again.

"Tis a far far greater thing that you do that has never been done before in the far flung planets and stars and comets and stuff of the vast and large universe, and it is a small step for mankind but a hell-of- a step for someone dressed in a baggy suit weighing lots." Old Pete started on his poetic bent, as his bent tends to bend him.

Overcome with the moment, Old Pete, dear Old Pete, the Old Pete that we have all come to love and admire, the Old Pet with the adventurous spirit and a good eye for picking camel handlers, went to the cargo camel and found his twelve string guitar, which I thought was a bit over the top considering he only had ten fingers : however, once settling in the shade of a giant mimosa bush, he put his twelve fingers to the strings, and struck a cord. It took him some time to change this cord to a new string, and a little more time to realise that he only needed a prick, which he had, of course, OH! Sorry, that is called a pick, which he had as well. to start strumming musical sounds hat sounded like music to the gathering crowd of music makers of the Outback.

Two black cockathrees, I mean three black cockatoos, joined in the cacophony of sound. Crickets bowled the audience over with their cricketing. Fogs croaked on the edge of the Oasis water hole, which has been noticed of late, the demise of local frog populations. Small and colourful Tom-Tits compared themselves with Heidi, as she sat in the crystal clear water, and Old Pete began to strum his soulful tune that came from his soul, ifn' he had one.

Oh! Heidi, sweet girl of the Swiss,

Oh! how much you deserve love's kiss

Beautiful blonde, caring and fond-e

Not coming from behind, you come from beyond.

If only my age suited your time

If only my thoughts were not such a crime.

If only my Reddie were here to console

If only, If only I could think of the last verse, what a curse-ole.

Naturally, Heidi was in total awe, in total nakedness, but in total awe as well. The moment the sweet strains of Old Pete's music carried to her ears, she dived underwater to cover the noise. But Heidi was not all that up to date on Fair Dinkum Rock 'n' Roll and the song was sung to the tune of that famous R 'n' R song Avri' Maria.

However, as it so happened, Dr Roughen Reddie grabbed another weekend off from her toenail clipping and Neural Ops, and jumped into the Cyclops, catching her shin on the sharp metal of the pedals before accelerating at a rate of great acceleration, faster even than the normal acceleration rate what one would normally accelerate in said Cyclops pedal car to propel her into the beyond and almost the here after, which she just missed by a fraction of the here and a small portion of the after.

With a shuddering whisper, the pedal car sped to a stop adjacent to, and almost opposite in terms of opposite positions, regarding the position where Old Pete was positioned with guitar and a touch of sinus problem as well. (Some of them are a bit deep, hey?)

"G'day." Old Pete showed his excitement of a visit from his lover, whom he did really love, but had trouble expressing that love in terms of expression regarding love in the sense of the way that

Dr Reddie loved, which was very naughty, very rude, and most of all,very nice.

However, Old Pete was not thinking any carnal thoughts as he went to take Dr Reddie in his ready arms, and she, in turn, not that they were taking turns, it is just a way of expressing this very touching moment between two lovers, although there was not much between these two lovers because they were fairly well pressed together, lips to lips, chest to be breasts (this was Reddie, Old Pete did not have man boobs). Hips to hips. loins to loins and knees intertwined, which caused them both to fall into the oasis.

Heidi gave them ten minutes before she went to lift their heads out of the water to explain, that although it was passionate, no kiss could be that wet, and that a breath or two can add to the occasion.

Getting her tongue back into her own mouth, Dr Reddie said, "Oh! Thank you Heidi." Whereas Old Pete just lay in the water panting for more. He is a dirty little bugga at times.

After a sumptuous dinner consisting of lightly braised squab, that came from a mob that happened to lob in to the oasis, fools that they are. Boiled Cooliban potatoes garnished with lemon butter and a sprinkle of Marjoram. Soft boiled Broccolini in peanut butter and olive oil. A small side salad with small slices of chilli and mixed lettuce, Cos, Rocket, and diced Red Cabbage soaked in Italian salad dressing, and interspersed with Hass Avacado slices.

Old Pete had whipped up a Pavlova, with whipped cream, passion-fruit puree and strawberries.

This was followed by a sweet port, or as the girls chose, a very strong Benedictine liqueur, with dark Vienna chocolate.

"I apologise my love, Reddie, but as you appreciate we cannot always lay our hands on the things that we would wish to lay our hands on." Old Pete felt that this auspicious occasion should have provided a more select fare.

"Do not be concerned, Old Pete, you will be able to lay your hands on whatever you have in mind to lay your hands on...Later".

Old Pete often wished that women would not talk in riddles as it was difficult for him, being as he was him, or us, as the case maybe, to understand the riddles of women.

Heidi giggled, which made it worse, because now Old Pete is inclined from his inclined position, reclining against a leaning palm tree, to ask, "What are you giggling at, Heidi?" To which, comes the answer that some nasty, nasty person must have invented as a means to really demean, ridicule,annoy and aggravate. "Nothing." Accompanied with more giggles and knowing looks in the direction of, in this case, Reddie.

To make matters worse, Old Pete asked Reddie, "Wots she giggling at?" and getting the answer, "I do not know, darling, ask her."

If I didn't know better, and to be truthful, I don't; however, I think Old Pete is cracking up, down or in little pieces. either way, it is not good for his nervous system. Wot with ASIO and the Tourist Advisory Board boards, and the constant taking care of Heidi, having to watch her every time she went for a swim or decided to allow whatever breeze there might be to caress her lovely, nicely shaped, and curvaceous body, not that Old Pete concentrated on her visual attributes, except when he was watching her,and the sheer pressure of his paternal instincts getting in the way of his feral instincts was causing him a bit of bother, as it would.

Now that the Good Doctor was here, (shh. Don't say here too loud) and ready to get un-good when night fell and she fell into Old Pete's arms, bed and whatever else he had that she could fall into or on without doing either of them permanent injury, Old Pete just might recover some of his equilibrium, and become as balanced a bushman as he once was, if all things are equilibriumised enough to do the trick, that is.