The Adventures - part twelve

We left the old fella with his foot in his mouth, after suggesting that because Reddie will not let him strip naked and prance around the place, he complained that he did not have any fun.

Not a good thing to do, especially when the person he complained about was the one supplying the fun. Dr Reddie had ways and means, and her means were as mean as her ways, I mean, doctors are known for the pain they can inflict on the poor and innocent men of suburbia, believe me, I have been so inflicted; not because I have complained, mind you, as I am not the complaining type, not unless it is too hot or too cold, and I am not getting my way like us non-complainers should. It was just a mean doctor inflicting his inflictions on me.

Old Pete was getting more clever, or more gooder at being more cleverer, and as he saw the look in Reddie's eye, he departed the scene for safer pastures; however, being as they were in the desert pastures were few and far between, so he had to settle with a dive into the oasis.

But let's not spoil the date of the birth of Heidi, let us, instead fill her with happiness and joy, and nothing else, regardless what comes to mind.

Reddie decided to stay naked as well, just to tease Old Pete, we think, but she did wear a lap-lap that lapped at her lap as she loped around the oasis in several laps, which caused Old Pete and Heidi to clap as the lap-lap flapped before Reddie flopped to a stop atop the Old Fella.

So with such a joyous start to the day, all would be fine for the festivities in the night.

Old Pete whipped up a ten egg sponge, he could only get fresh emu eggs, as the chooks had gone off the lay, but a good emu egg is worth a dozen chook eggs so take that initial statement back to seven fifths of an emu egg sponge. One of the extra benefits of using an emu egg is ifn' ya' catch the emu as well, 'cause then, as all drovers cooks know, you hold the emu over the basin, squeeze its neck and let its feet down into the mixture. It kicks so hard that the mixture is whipped up real fine with no sugar grating on the spoon.

The kicking is controllable by the amount of pressure you squeeze its neck, too much squeeze and eventually the kicking will stop, so then you have to catch another emu. But Old Pete was a dab hand at the emu mix-master method of cake mixing.

There was a time when Old Pete cooked for the biggest mob of shearers ever seen in one wool shed. Just doing the porridge of a morning entailed getting the biggest tub he could lay his hands on, and then lowering an aluminium dingy, with a motor on the back, into the mix and revving around the tub for half an hour while the stuff came to a boil and simmered for a time. When it was ready the cooks helper lowered buckets down into the mix to pull out for the hungry shearers.

So, as you can see, an emu egg sponge cake was no problem for Old Pete. He picked some blackberries, and a few ground nuts that had been ground by the passing of many animals that had passed this way, an , in reality some of the nuts as well, passed that is. Ifn' ya' now wot I mean., and with these ingredients, and some home made cream from a passing cow buffalo that he tackled, milked, and let free again, and a good amount of sugar from local sugar ants that are found locally in the here abouts where sugar ants are normally found to habituate habitually by habit, in the abouts, as it is a deemed sugar ant habitat, according to what's-his-name. That pommy bloke wot everyone knows, except me at this particular point in time, as to which I am pointing at. It was just as well as I did linger a little longer 'cause I remembered his name, Dick Attenborough. So you have no reason to doubt wot I just said, ifn' he is gunna back me up, Hey?

Aw! I got off track a bit. Wot Old Pete had gathered was to make the icing for the birthday cake.

Old Pete, a famous cook from the old days, and now from the new days, was one of the few of the straight backed Outback bushmen of the Outback where straight backs are very handy to have, ifn' ya' want to walk in some form of decent upstanding manner, instead of looking like someone that is unable to stand up straight, and thus, not normally noted to be the Straight backed Bushman of the Outback. ( I feel a however coming on).

However, and none-the -less, so as not to say less than none, as that is fairly difficult, even for a well accomplished person like me, so, far be it from me to say anything that is a long way away.

What a waste of a perfectly good 'however'.

Reddie set to to make the salad, and after an hour or two gathering the ingredients, she decided that there would be no salad, as there were no ingredients in the surrounding desert that surrounded the surrounds. There-upon the girls decided between them that they would just partake of copious amounts of birthday cake, copious amounts of stored alcoholic beverages, fruits from the trees of the oasis, no salads, well maybe fruit salad, and so forth and so fifth, etc etc.

Later in the day, after it got to be further into the passing of the hours that indicate that it is getting later into the day, they heard the purr of the Combi chugging down the sand track towards the Oasis.

“Here comes your surprise.” Old Pete told the girls.

“Oh! Goody!” Sed they together in unison, both at the same time.

It was a little dusty, but it was certainly new looking for a neigh on twenty year old Ve-heckle, and the girls ran up to inspect the machine and to look inside for the surprise.

“Ver iss da surprisenheimer?” one of the girls asked.

“Ya' Ver” Sed the other.

“The Ve-heckle is the surprise, Reddie dear, So now you can put the pedal car in the back and drive the combi.”

“Oh! Goody!” and then Reddie promptly 'assumed the position' that any knowledgeable woman knows should be took in a combi, flat on her back on the mattress.

“Cool, Old Pete,like real cool.” Reddie's experiences in the 60' are still quite vivid in her mind.

“Might be a good idea ifn' ya' closed ya' mouth, mate, the flies a building up somethin' terrible.” Old Pete offered his well founded bush knowledge wot he found in the bush.

Lucky shutting his gaping mouth did sound a bit squishy, but the coughing and t he spitting seemed to clear most things away. When I say most, there were a couple of dung beetles hanging off his bottom lip.

I suppose you are wondering why the Operator was standing there with his mouth agape, hey?

Do you remember the dress code the girls had adopted for t his day, you do? SO now are you still wondering?

“Reddie, Heidi, come and meet the Truck Stop Operator, his name is Lucky, say G' Day to Lucky, girls.”

Reddie hopped out of the Combi and Heidi came over in her birthday suit to shake Lucky's hand, which was already shaking before they gott there.

“Lucky, this is Dr Roughen Reddie, my girl, and this is Heidi the camel handler.”

Again poor Lucky had jaw drop syndrome again, and his eyes just didn't' know where to look, Oh! He knew where he wanted to look, but he was trying to be polite, and things didn't get better in the polite department for the lucky Lucky.

“Come viss me, Mr Lucky, vee vill go and hafen a drinkenheimer, Ya'?”

“Wot?”

“She is Swedish, don't talk good proper Aussie like us do, mate, but you'll get use to it soon enough.”

“Wot?”

“Do you think I should examine Lucky, Old Pete Dear? He seems a little dazed, maybe too much sun exposure, perhaps, perchance.”

“Well, I reckon that he has see about as much exposure that a man wot ain't seen a woman for neigh on twenty years could be expected to handle at short notice.”

“So, how's it going, mate,” Old Pete used the casual approach, using his casual approach to be casual.

“Mate, the wimmin'?”

“Yeah! two of 'em.” Sed the Old casual fella.

“Yeah! But, I mean, and not only, but more than that, I mean,”

“Yeah! I know wot ya' mean.” But he didn't of course, he often lied like this just to pretend that he knew what was going on.

“Mate, they're 'nekid' as the day they wuz born, bare as a badgers bum, in he buff, in the nuddy, nude, nice but nude, ifn' ya know wot I mean.”

“ Ya' noticed?” Old Pete remained annoyingly casual.

“Well yeah, I had noticed, and there is another part of me that has noticed as well.”

“Yeah, That can happen to a bloke sometimes.” Old Pete knew about these things.”Don't let it get to ya' (Ha!) you'll get used to it.”

“ I've got neigh on a lot a years to catch up on, mate.” Sed Lucky.

“Well, it might take you a bit more time than usual, but you'll get used to it.” Always very wise Old Pete.

“Did you know that the oasis was here?” Reddie tried to divert Lucky's eyes.

“Wot Oasis?”

“The one you are near standing in with the crystal clear and very cool water of, that oasis. The one with the palm trees, and the birds returning to now that Heidi has stopped singing, that's the one I am referring to.”

“Well, I'll be darned, I didn't notice, but now I do, and I can see Heidi splashing around out there so I might just go for a dip me'sef.”

So, being very brave, laid back and the cool man of nature that he was, Lucky dived in to the cooling waters fully clothed, boots and socks, wallet and hat, shorts and underwear ( I think, I haven't checked), shirt and sand jacket, with two sand-witches in the pocket with tomato, onion and goanna on them, and of course his trusty backpack that he packed on his back; just the normal stuff a Truck Stop Operator would use in the Outback. He then floundered around until he had almost drowned, as it had passed his mind that he could not swim. Age does that to your memory at times.

Seeing the visitor in distress, Heidi, who was not in any sort of dress, Dis or Dat, reached the stricken man in several strong strokes of her strong stroking arms. She searched around his neck until she found the scruff, and then by the said scruff of his neck dragged him to the sand at the side of the oasis.

As luck, and Lucky would have it, Heidi knew about the CPR method of resuscitation, which, in layman's terms is called cardiopulmonary resuscitation, which amounts to a bit of a pounding to the chest area, and a lot of blowing down the throat of the victim, sorry, patient.

After about ten minutes of this treatment from the wet soft lips of our Heidi, Old Pete thought that he might mention that Lucky had opened his eyes on the first contact of her lips and was now very much alive, as could be seen by anyone that knows about these things.

“You can stop now, Heidi, he is alive, and has been for some time, dear.”

“Maybe a little longer vood help, ya'?”

“Ya'” Sed lucky.

“See,” Sed Heidi, “ I knew he vanted more, ya'?”

“Want and need are two different things, child.” Offered the maternal Reddie.

“Hokay, he iss coming to attention, so I give him a blow later, if he need.”

“I will definitely need, Heidi, most definitely.” Said guess who?

Look what's happening, introduce another character to the story and debauchery sets in. Shame , shame!

Enough of this debauching, it is not good for your blood pressure, if you have any.

The afternoon went well, Lucky would take some time to get used to two beautiful, naked girls for company at dinner, as one would, but the birthday cake was consumed with much relish. Old Pete had several bottle of Pickles in the Cargo Camels storeroom.

Lucky had brought some vintage Champagne, well, at least neigh on twenty year vintage, so they consumed that. Old Pete had some scotch and some Bundy Rum,so they consumed that and then they a ll fell into the oasis, and Lucky almost consumed that, however, (Gotcha) it was a jolly day, was Heidi's birthday, she tested the Rolex for water proofness, and found it to be good, she tested Lucky for water proofness but found him not to be so good, other than a lot of giggles at his floundering.

And then it was siesta time, that time in the day when all Mexicans, and camel trekkers go beddy-byes for an hour or so, or so.

Heidi, being the maker upper of her own mind, took Lucky to her tent, and Old Pete went where he was told.

Later in the day, Old Pete arose, as he was an early aroser most times, and wandered out to answer the call of nature.

“Cooee! Nature, “ He called, “Cooeee, I hear ya', mate.”

Then he heard Heidi giggling, the happy noise coming form the confines of her tent which she was not really confined in, but it was a bit confining if there were a crowd in there, at which Old Pete thought there was. Maybe paternal, maybe a bit jealous, maybe not, but maybe so, so he called..

“Watcha' doin' Heidi?”

“Vee iss a playing the card game, and I am feeling Lucky.”

Well, dear reader, what is this going on? Stay tuned to the amazing adventures of Old Pete and Heidi and Reddie and Lucky, brought to you by the strange and daring mind of the yet, stranger Young Pete, namely Moi!.