Believe it or Not!

The first blood tranfusion recorded was given to a nine year old boy.  A pint of lamb's blood was delivered in an incision in the boys arm. The lad survived for several days.

The problem was, he only went to the doctor with a sore finger.

Believe it or Not!

The first contraceptive used by women was the rind of a lemon or orange cut in half. It was a diaphram of sorts.

It put a different spin on the wanton woman and the term Lemon Tart.

Believe it or Not!

From Henry Lawson

One of our great Australian wordsmiths, Henry Lawson, had a special way of describing things that, if you had ever been in the Outback, you would understand immediately.

I quote from a compilation of Lawson's stories titled "Joe Wilson's Mates" and a story called "At Dead Dingo".

'Along, drowsy, half-hour passed - the sort of half-hour that is as long as an hour in places where days are as long as years, and years hold about as much as days do in other places.'

That, folks, explains the boredom of a long, lonely track, among other things in other places (pardon the wit).

Island

Do you remember, when at school, you were told that Australia is the smallest continent and the largest Island?

Well, it ain't. Greenland's mass of 840,000 square miles makes it the winner.

Australia is an island, and is big enough to be considered its own (well it once was) continent.

The Easter Fish

The humble fish has a fair amount of connection with mankind at this time of the year. We rarely give them any credit for the part that they play; however there is one who cares for these critters, and it pleases me to bring many accolades to,........wait for it,........  the Oyster Bunny

Sharks

I was wondering if sharks, that ate catfish, would get furballs?

Don't Fence Me In.

I feel like a contract fencer lately, I've put in 109 posts since I started this blog, Okay, a bit droll, I know, but you can send me a plain WIRE of congratulations, but no BARBS please.

Hearing Organs of Cockroaches

I discovered, as a kid, that cockroaches hear through their legs.  I did not consider myself to be an entyomologist, which is an apt name for this particular science.  Entymology means to cut apart, or discect, hence the study of cockroackes.

Back to this creatures hearing organs.  My science began with obtaining a large flying cockroach, placing it in a re-catchable area and making a loud noise in its vicinity, naturally, the critter took off in a scurry of legs and a mild flutter of wings.

The next step was to remove all its legs, place it in a re-catchable area, just in case, and make a loud noise in its vicinity.

I kept notes of the scientific experiment, and I added my conclusion that cockroaches hear through their legs, determined by that fact that it did not scurry off, thus it is deaf without legs.

I did want to try this experiment on my brother's pet rabbit, but the family thought that I had proved my point and should leave it at that.

I gave up entomoligical pursuits and took up etymology instead.

Laconic.

Laconic: I love the word Laconic, I love what it means, and I enjoy the person that uses the art of laconicism.

You can be laconic, and laconical, but the word is not the art. In reality the word means Spartan or from the Laconians, and indicates the use of few words to explain a large problem.

Of course, you can look all this up on the net, but the be truly laconic, you have to be an Outback Aussie, who's entire life has been based on the principle “She'll be right mate.” This expression is Laconic in itself.

The true laconical expressions are found deep in the Agricultural members of our country, as an example, I rang a farmer in Gunnedah in NSW, at a time that a long drought had ended with with good soaking rain.

“You must be laughin' now that the drought is over, hey Joe?”

“How'd ya' work that out, it only rained rain, it didn't rain grass.”

Another was from a bloke that was a known bar-fly, a worker that spent his pay on grog, and when he ran out he would see if he could cadge a drink out of other bloke's pay.

He was cruising the bar of a local pub when he spied a likely victim.

“Well, I'll be buggered, haven't seen you for a while,” He cordially welcomed the suspect.

“Yeah, G' Day Cookie, 'ow ya' goin?”

“Good mate, are ya' gunna have a beer.”

“Yeah, a couple maybe.” Sed the mark.

“Good,” said Cookie, make mine a schooner.”

Things when wrong from there on as far as Cookie was concerned, his long lost mate, all of a sudden, changed his mind and told, Cookie that he had to be somewhere else, and promptly left the pub.

Cookie stood with his hands on his hips and glared at the departing 'mate'.

“That bloke,” He told the bar, “Is that tight with the quid that if he cut ya' a slice of bread there would only on side in it.”

Now, that is laconic.

The expression: Freeze the balls off a brass monkey, which is not in relation to monkey's testicle in the winter, has been superseded for Australian conditions, by some laconic Aussie as being, Freeze the walls of a bark humpy, now that is clever larconacism, don't ya' reckon?

Poor Kid (Edited)

A Farmer, leaning on the fence, was watching the neighbours son flogging the ground with a large leaf covered branch.

"Snake?" asked the farmer.

"Na!" said the neighbour's son. "I thought I would do some paddock bashing but I can't afford an old ute yet."


NOTE: this must be strange to people who do not know what we Aussies call paddock bashing.  Rural kids often get an old car or a Ute (Utility vehicle) and strip a lot of the vehicle parts off it, like doors, mudguards, rear vision mirrors etc etc.  They then amuse t hemselves by driving it around the paddocks of their parents farm.  The wetter and boggier the land the better.  This is what is called "Paddock Bashing".

Silly Old Farts

Australia has the largest wild camel population in the world.  An estimated 1.2 million camels roam the deserts.  Each camel blurts up to 45kg of methane gas into the atmosphere every year, totalling 5.4 million kg in total.

This does not include feral pigs, bufflo, donkeys, brumbies, and other introduced animals gone feral.

The Australian government is thinking of sending shooters into the hinterland to gain carbon credits in shooting out the camel population.

Maybe they should put a carbon tax on Old Men's homes as well.

Do you know what I hate about summer?

You are what you eat

Back in the early days, Australian settlers usually survived on meat and damper.  Vegies were scarce, and limes and vinegar were sought after to stave off scurvy.

One delicacy of the time was burnt black parsnips, ground into a powder and used as coffee, or for the tea drinker there was a concoction colloquially known as Stick and Rail tea because of the lumps of woody substance in the tea.  It was drank very hot, very  sweet and very black.

Just imagine if  he 'food carers' said that meat, damper and tea could cause cancer...there wouldn't be an true blue Aussie standing now.

I know someone

I know a woman who is that tall that she has to stand on a chair to comb her hair.

I  know a young bloke that is so pretentious he is putting air bags on his skate board.

I know a set of twins where one twin looks more like the other one than the other one does herself.

I know a man that is invisible, I haven't seen him for some time now.

I know a woman that is often beside herself, which she claims  is her favorite position.

I know a  man that is that thin that he has to jump sideways to create a shadow.

I know a  young bloke who is  that quick he can turn the bedroom light off at the door and be in  bed before the room gets dark.

I know a lady that breeds Lamas but her animals only eat Salami, German Sausage, Stuffed Olives and particularity love Gherkins in vinegar.  It appears that her animals are Deli Lamas.

I  know a bloke that came up with a brilliant idea in how to make the welfare queues shorter.  "Get 'em all to stand closer together." He offered.  I don't  think it has been trialled yet.

Peron's Tree Frog

This delightful little critter is common amongst the tree frogs. He is seen in various colors and patterns in a large area of, mainly, the southern states of Australia.

I have found them to be very human friendly and have fed one or two in the garden, with the frogs waiting in expectation for the provided supper every evening.

They do a great service in the garden as they are voracious insect eaters and will search for mosquito larvae in ponds and puddles that is not seen by other predators.

The Peron's Tree Frog has another name, taken from a personal habit of this beautiful animal.  

Wait for it! He is also called the Maniacal Cackle Frog.

Fair Dinkum! He sounds like my lovely publisher when she is trying to get me to behave.  LOL

One only has to wait

It is a wonderful thing, science. Marvelous thoughts, theories and procrastinations arrive on every breath of the academic minded egg heads.

The latest, that affects me and many others, is the size of our nose, called in academia, proboscis predominate.

It appears that the large nose developed so that it could warm the air, in the ice age, for the wandering Neanderthals. Of course it does not say how long the large noses took to develop but it must have been pretty quick as the ice age arrived in a bit of a rush and all those perky little upturned and very photographic snouts perished.

I often refer to my proboscis as being a 'Roman Nose' like in roamin' all over my face.

My great worry now is, if the large nose is meant to warm up your breath, why do I live in a sub-tropical paradise? I should be sniffing around in the Snowies, hey?

Something fishy here

At my age I will try anything to ease the aches and pains.  Someone said fish oil will do the trick. Well as it turns out I have been using that much fish oil that my skin has gone scaly.

Lovable Critters

You are going to love this one folks.

The Sydney Funnel Spider has not killed a human for 30 years, thanks to anti-venom research. The male of the species is the most dangerous of the two, which is a little contradictory to the general rule of thumb for nasties.

A funnel-web's venom is packed with at least 40 different toxic proteins (called peptides). Only one, robustoxin, is really dangerous to humans. Like snake neurotoxins, robustoxin disrupts nerve signals, but in the opposite way. Instead of shutting down nerve signals, it switches them all on at once, causing massive electrical overload in the body's nervous system. The protein attaches itself to nerve synapses and prevents them from switching off - salivary glands, tear ducts and sweat glands all run uncontrollably, muscles begin to spasm, blood pressure climbs as vessels contract and then falls to dangerously low levels. Most fatalities occur from either cardiac arrest or a pulmonary oedema, where the capillaries around the lungs begin to leak and the patient effectively drowns. 

Now here is the good news:  

Not all creatures are affected by funnel-web poison: mice, rabbits, guineapigs, dogs and cats are relatively immune and often survive 100 times the lethal human dosage. In general the male is five times more dangerous than the female.

I can tell you, the funnel-web spider is a fearsome sight when it is in strike mode, as in the photo; however I have seen a much larger spider.

QLD BIRD EATING SPIDER (Selenocosmia crassipes)

The Queensland bird eating spider is also commonly referred to as the Australian Tarantula.  This is one of several species of large, aggressive spiders, which are found in the warmer and more arid regions of Australia. The largest species may attain a body length of 60mm and a leg span of 160mm, with powerful fangs 10mm long. This is the largest species of spider in Australia, and is part of the tarantula family, which comprises of the largest spiders in the world.

Happy Dreams!!!!

Things that we need to do.

Have someone explain something that is inexplicable.
Think of things that are unthinkable.
Pack up your troubles in an old kit bag.
And, pass them on to someone else.
Find out what nothing is, and do it.
Say something nice to someone you dislike...But not so they can hear it.

Animal

  What is this?

No one rushing to answer the question, so....http://australianmuseum.net.au/image/Port-Jackson-Shark-egg-Illustration

Childbirth

It has been said that the only way a man could experience the pain of childbirth would be to have a hemorrhoid operation.

I can vouch for the pain of one of these incidents, twice, and if the mothers go through anything like it, I sincerely commiserate with them; however, after child birth is over, and the baby grows, the mother looks at the little darling, and is heard to say, "I would love to have another baby."

In all my 74 years, I have never, ever heard a bloke say, "I would love to have another hemmy operation."

I wonder why that is?