Old and Getting There

I reckon that when you get old, as old is determined, like if you wuz the oldest bloke on the earth then you would be old, right? So let's just take a few categories down from the oldest bloke, who probably couldn't type, or use a computer as good as me who is only just down the page from the number one old bloke and towards the first few thousand, or so.

We could take that category as working out what happens when you get “old”,  ifn' ya' know wot I mean.

My number one usage of words at my old age, which is not yet from the dotage of my life, as I have no one that dotes on me, any rate my number one is “That never happened in my day.” My other number two is “We never had things so good in my day.” Actually, I can concoct many “In my day comparisons, cause that is wot ya' do when you get old. It is called the wisdom of age, so I am told by those older than me; and there are a few about, so I am told by those that are still about.

Any rate, I will borrow a few things that are attributed to old age, to the age of knowing what senility looks like, which is how me' mate looks when he can't understand wot I am telling him, especially when I tell him it is his shout. I know this, as he always comes up with the senile comment, “Wot again?”

And I know this, I know that there are two things that happen as you grow older, one is that you start to lose your memory, you know that don't ya', all us oldies experience that problem. The other one is...Geez! I can't remember wot the other one is.

There was a time when, with a bit of prompting from those I owed money to, that I went to try to have a memory rescheduling program (If you think I remembered all that, you are as bad as me). It lasted seven or ten weeks or so, and at the end of the twelve weeks, Doctor whats-is-name said “Give it a try for awhile and see how you go.” Bloody idiot, 'give wot a go'. Here I am spending a long time, and that is something I am running out of, and the doctor doesn't even tell me wot it is I should give a go to.

Me' mate did the same course, and he reckoned it was marvellous, his memory had improved 'out of sight'. Of course, I asked him if he went to my doctor or an eye doctor, but only because I am very clever and witty. But which went clean over the head of me' mate, 'cause he sees other things all right, well that's wot I think any rate.

Our other mate, thingo, wanted to give the memory thing a go too, so he said to the first mate, mate what is the name of this memory doctor you go to? Well mate, wot is the mate of both of us mates, just out of the blue said, “What's that flower that has the perfumed smell and prickles on the stem?”

Mate the mate of us both said, “Rose.”

“Yeah that's it,” and then he yelled to his wife in the kitchen, “Hey, Rose, wot's the name of that memory doctor I go to?”

There is a little test you can do to see if you are getting senile or summit, are ya' ready? It amounts to reading this bit of a yarn, but it is not in the reading, it is ifn' ya' understand it you are definitely about to go around the bend!