Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Adventures - part two

Well, it has been a real cliff hanger, hey? Not knowing who Old Pete would choose as his camel handler. Would it be the fully qualified son of an Afghan man, or would it be the unqualified, but very nicely filled out Heidi?

As there were only two candidates Old Pete, in his wisdom, tossed a coin to see who would get the job. He gave Heidi heads and the the S.A.M tails, as these were the only two sides to his coin, which made him feel good about not having three candidates or he would have to find a three sided coin.

It took seven tosses before heads came up, but at least the decision was made fair and square. I mean ya' can't beat the toss of a coin to sort out important decisions; I use them all the time. At anyrate, Heidi got the job.

When Old Pete had explained to Heidi to select suitable clothing for the trip, which would consist of a lot of sun and sand, she immediately thought of the beach. Consequently Heidi turned up ready for work in a bikini or so Old Pete believed as he couldn't see much cloth to decide what it was she wasn't wearing.

Eventually, after a look around the op-shops, raising eyebrows on the women and other things on the men, they selected some very sensible shoes, pants and a shirt with no buttons on the front, which Heidi said she would sew on later, but never did; however, being as she had been so good with the other wearing apparel, Old Pete said it was OK by him ifn' she didn't sew the buttons on.

"Right," Old Pete said with the authority of a person in charge. "We will go and meet the camels."

"Oh goody, goody, gumdrops."

"Now this is Ahab who was once a bull camel but he and Hassein have been bricked," Old Pete told her.

"Skuza! Vas iss dis bricken' thingo?"

"Well, it is like this," the old fella' started. "The best way to turn a bull camel into a non-bull camel is to get two bricks and then very carefully sneak up behind them and slam the bricks together on their bull things. Then walla! No more bulling around from them fellas what waz."

"Oh golly gee! Dis must hurten like crazy, ya?"

"No, not if you are careful and keep your thumbs to the side."

"Well they iss looken very quite friendship now, ya?"

"Ya. Another thing 'bout bricking is that it helps to get them to take on a bit more water when a long trip is about to start, like us is soon."

"Ya' vass is dis thing to be doin'?" Heidi said in her hard to understand language which will get better as the time passes and she gets learnt more good old bloody Aussie slang from Old Pete and some other along the way who knows Aussie slang.

"Vell, I mean well, when they are drinking you sneak up behind them and just bang two bricks together, this makes the camel suck in his breath, in fright, and a lot of water with it and it tops him right up to the full mark."

"You iss werry clever, Old Pete, ya?"

"Ya. Now up you go, hop up into the camel saddle and see how you fit."

Old Pete pulled out his notebook and read "Cush!" and low and behold the darn camels laid down for the humans to hop on board.

"How iss it to getten it to stood upenheizer?"

"Dunno, I think ya' say 'Get up ya' lazy mongrel."

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