Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Adventures - part thirteen

And so it came about, in the day of Heidi's birthday celebrations, and in the year that she was turned the extra age that caused her said birthday, and birthday suit parading, we find that the Truck Stop Operator, named John Stanley Bartholomew Alfonso Robert McGillicuddy, and known to his many friends and acquaintances as Lucky, realised that he had indeed earned his title on this day.

Heidi, of course, knew that she had to complete, with Pete, whom she thought sweet, this trek. No one else could handle the camels like Heidi, as Lucky found out, because he had watched her handling the camels, and things, and knew from experience that her handling ways were handled with the expertise of and expert handler of camels, and things.

Lucky had acquired a casual worker to look after the truck stop, and was not particularly concerned with the operation of the place, as a matter of fact he had forgotten what a Truck Stop looked like because of the double vision that Heidi caused as she bounced by.

And so, it also came about that this infatuation must be cast upon the sands of the desert, so that it may pass through the hour glass, which takes up to twenty minutes sometimes, and he will have to become rich and famous, more rich than famous, before he can ask for Heidi's hand in debauchery again; however, that is The days of our Lives here on Ramsey Street where only the bold have enough cash to be beautiful.

Morning, once again, broke on the oasis, it was becoming a habit, but it was something that must be done according to the day that followed. Old Pete and Heidi packed the camp, rolled it into bundles, and then had to unroll them as Reddie was missing; however she was finally found in the bed clothes of the main bed of the main bedroom of the main tent, that was the main thing.

Reddie set about to pack the Combi, and Lucky helped her make up a tow for the pedal car. Lucky would travel back to the Truck Stop with Reddie, and giving them a big lead, Heidi and Old Pete, with the cargo camel, would bring up the rear

It would have been a slower trip than with just the V8s but they soon realised that they had to put up with the inconvenient convenience of the Combi.

Part way along the track that was promised as a road, neigh on those twenty-years ago, Old Pete saw a tar truck, one of them council ve-heckles that carry a tar, gravel mixture to fill potholes with. This mixture guarantee permanent employment for local council staff, as it never stays in the pot hole for long, which seems to be the sole purpose of using the stuff.

G'Day” sed the unfazed Old Pete.

Yeah! G'Day.” Sed the bloke that was looking like he was in charge, 'cause he was the only one without a s hovel to lean on.

You from here-abouts?”

No mate, “ Answered Old Pete, “We is from there- abouts, well there-abouts, there-abouts, or somewhere near to it any way.”

Well, 'ave ya' seen a road here-abouts, one with potholes in it?”

“Na!” Old Pete told him, helping as much as he could.

There's s'posed to be a road around here somewhere, we been lookin' for for neigh on twenty years. We start at the depot, fill the truck up with cold mix, head out here to the desert, go back to the depot, unload the truck, and go home, a good steady job, but we still ain't found no bloody road.” The disgruntled gang leader said. He had his gruntle removed several years ago, a painful operation, so Dr Reddie said, but one that needs to be done for those that are inclined to grunt a lot, like teenagers: however, parents should keep in mind, before they think about getting the youngster disgrunted, that if they intend following a professional tennis career, the grunt should be left to develop accordingly. The good loud tennis grunt is a great help for blind spectators, and used judiciously it can indicate a win or a loss, a serve or a toss, a miss or a hit, and it can also mean that the players shorts are too tight.

We heard about this missing road, and I reckon that after all this lengths of neighs that it would be full of potholes by now.”

Yeah well! We have a system now for road building, we put a pothole mix in with the base material, I mean, it would be a waste of time coming out this far to find that the missing road didn't have any potholes to fill, hey?”

Yeah, Hey,” Old Pete concurred in agreement, but he wasn't up with the technical side of road building so he thought that his concurrence and agreement should only be a con and an ag. Which, of course, is only a proportionate part of a concurrence and an agreement, thus not committing the Old bloke to any firm assertion as to whether he was firmly committing his assertions or not.

Old Pete decided not to let the foreman know that there was a truck stop down the track in case Lucky was behind in his rates, or summit. Clever sometimes, me' mate Pete, hey?

It's not for me to say,” Sed Old Pete, “But I'll say it anyway. I reckon that ya' should go back to your boss and tell him t hat the missing road is still missing, an' ifn' they want you to do a good job he should build you a road with pot holes so that you can have something to do, hey?”

Yeah! Thanks, I never thought of that, it could be a plan.” The ex-grunter replied wit a bit of a softish sort of a grunt, a bit like a baby does when Mum removes it from the teat; that sort of grunt.

So with a threat of the spurs from Old Pete and the lovely, much happier, Heidi (for some reason) the camels revved their engines, well it sounded like an engine revving, but was only the camels letting out their Carbon Credits. The cavalcade of camels in a caravan of cavalcading camels and caravaners careered carelessly raising dust from the desert sand and cascading it over the Pot Holers.

Old Pete and Heidi arrived at the t ruck stop just as the combi was tuning into the driveway, no, it was not a magical trick where somehow a ve-heckle turns into a real driveway, it is a manner of expressing the direction of said ve-heckle in regards to its orientation, yes, I know the VW Combi is of German descent and not Oriental, but that is only an expression to explain the orientation or position, or location, or state of where-abouts, here-abouts, and considering that Old Pete had only given them four hours head start, it wasn't too bad for the Combi and passenger and driver and now, fully sand blasted Cyclops Pedal car.

Shiny, aint' it?” Old Pete made and observation sound like a question.

Reddie stood, one hand on her hip, the other scratching her head and the other three ticking away on her Rolex on her wrist. ( I don't miss any detail do I?”)

I think I'll have to cut her free, Dear.”

Could be a plan worth thinking about.” sed the old fella.

Thinking about a plan is not making a plan, dear.”

Oh! Vass iss ziss, not lovely little pedal car, Oh NO!.”

Oh, Yes” sed Reddie.

Hokay” sed Heidi “Let her roam amongst the gum trees, The acacia, the smell of Napalm in the mornings, the desert rose, and it also subsides....”

Where is all this coming from?” the amazed and somewhat confused Old Pete and the youngish Reddie asked.

I tinkenheimer that HE has gone troppo again.”

Sounds like it, hey?” I don't know who sed that , but it don't matter either one will do.

Lucky pleaded to come along on the rest of the trip, he would supply all the fuel for the Combi, he would close the Truck Stop, he would be very good, he would behave, he would stop pleading eventually, and Old Pete was really touched by Lucky's grovelling.
No way, Mate, “ Old Pete said in his most condescending and courteous manner, if you can be condescending and courteous at the same time.

Pleeeeese!” cried Lucky.

Let's get outta' here, Old Pete.” Sed Heidi.

So, with the usual Aussie way of comforting anyone that is in desperate and in dire straits, or maybe seriously injured, or is about to die, the Old Bloke offered his condolences with “You'll be right , mate”.

However, as it turned out, within a couple of days of Old Pete and his Cavalcade left the truck stop, and just as Lucky was about to decapitate himself with a blunt plastic knife from the diner, a mob of road builders turned up in and around the Truck Stop.

We is gunna build a road,” Sed the very clever road builder.

Wot about the dust and annoyance to the customers of the truck stop?”

Well, I have been authorised to offer you five-thousand dollars a day for loss of trade.”

I accept.” Lucky sed after a split nano second of deep and meaningful consideration.

Good, here take this ten-thousand in cash for starters.”


So, as Old Pete and the crew found out later, the mystery of the missing road came to light. It seems that t he District Engineer had received the original draft of the road neigh on twenty-five years ago. The draft consisted of two lines drawn on a bit of paper with the words, “make road here”, writ in between the lines. It took a lot of time and consideration to come up with the plan, and given the size of the desert, it was a masterpiece of understatement, being called by one councillor, who has since passed on, ' A work of such proportions that it must be considered as one of the great achievements of this councils term.” Of course, no one took into consideration that the council had achieved nothing insofar as civic structure in the last ten years.

The Engineer, who suffers from PMS or summit, from being exposed to too much coffee and crossword puzzles, had lost the 'plan' for the road under the pile of important documents in his 'too hard basket'.

However, once the foremen of the pot hole gang reported Old Pete's suggestion to the Engineer, things really got under way.

Within days of the road's completion a tourist bus with several hundred Japanese tourists arrived for lunch. Out with the cameras and 'crick cricked 'their way around the place. ( as you know, Japanese cameras don't go click) Lucky had just hired a new cook that looked very much like a Heidi clone, but with clothes on, and he went out and killed forty goannas for hamburger steaks and with seven loaves of bread, fed the lot. The road was on the map, and the Truck Stop was on the “You are Here Sign,” and the cavalcade of caravaning camels crossed the border into the Northern Territory of the northern part of the north of north Australia, and a little bit west.

Now you know they called him Lucky.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent read thanks for sharing now for the next one I am really enjoying your stories...