Is this the way to write?

Is this the way to write a grabbing story, one that will grab where grabbing is needed, or not, depending on how hard one means to grab?

"It was Tuesday, raining, a wet Tuesday that made life rather wet, and damp, a dampness that made one eternally wet for the entire day, or for as long as it was wet, at least.  She was blonde, not the brunette from the bar but a blonde from another bar, the bar none bar where no one was ever barred."

I was using this as an example of some of the 'jerky' writing that is seen, mostly in stereotype detective yarns.

I wonder how much of this a reader could stand?