Thursday, December 20, 2012

The Adventures - part seven

The sun shone brightly, as it does on the desert, especially in the day time, and it was hot, as it is in the desert., and no breeze that blew was cooler than the heat of the sun, as it is in the desert so, Heidi and Old Pete did what was considered the best thing to do considering what was considerable, they headed for the nearest oasis, which is as it is in the desert where oasisii occur, like here where they wuz headed.

As this oasis was not on the usual road map because of the lack of roads in the desert, Old Pete, being the leader, followed Heidi to one of them uncanny Tourist sign that know exactly where every are at any given time, you know the ones, don't'cha?

"Here ve iss, Old Pete".

"How'd ya' know that?" Old Pete was always wary when someone suggested he was somewhere.

"Havink' da' lookinheimer," Sed The Swiss maid.

And lo and behold, for sure and for certain, without a doubt, and in all Fair Dinkumness, this sign, like all signs that had the same configuration (I'll wait until you look that one up) had that pointing arrow, and the words " YOU ARE HERE".

How in the name of Missus O'Grady's in-grown toenail would 'they' know that? How would anyone, other than the intrepid travellers know that they were, indeed ,HERE?

It is one of those great mysteries of life, and in the four corners of the earth, and in the far flung galaxies of the universe, as known to the folk of the tourist advisory services that have been flung to the far flinging places of said universe, and in the deserts, beach resorts and other places you will find that you are "There" or as they put it HERE.

After Old Pete got over the sheer awe of the astounding chartorial expertise, and the highly attributed mapiological ability of a handful of folk who knew where everyone was, he also noticed the advertisement for Magical Oasis, last one for fifty miles. Fill you camels here at Suburbia prices similar to the prices of the Burbs that are not HERE, but in the suburbs as previously stated elsewhere in this very informative document on informative information.

As Heidi and Old Pete were setting the table with fine silver on damask linen in readiness for the evening repast (They never just ate like the common folk, they repasted) the phone rang (Don't ask)

"Ain't that typical," Old Pete uttered, and after uttering that he added a further utter,"Just as we are sitting down to dinner, the phone rings." (I said don't ask)

"Hello, Yeah! hmmmmm! yeah, yeah! hmmmm, good, yeah good, I'm glad yeah Hmmmmm! good, bye".

"Who vass is vich ringa da phonenheimer just as we vas about to haffen the dinnerkatinken?" Heidi was seriously losing her grasp on the Aussie language, or, as Old Pete thought, any language.

"Dunno, they din't say."

However,(yeah I know) The phonenheimer ringa ringa again, and this created a reaction in Old Pete that is synonymous with all and sundry in the ringing phone club.

"That'll be the phone" He said.

And, would you believe that Hidie was so astounded at Old Pete's power of perception that she picked up the phone and said, (wait for it) "Hello".

"Hokaye! I tell him you will tell him, Hold the line please. Nine! Nine!, der iss no lions."

"Iss for you." Heidi told the old fella.

"What do they want?"

"No want nuffin'"

"Well why are they ringing?"

"Dunno, dey is say hello,"

"It ain't one of them telemarketers is it?"

"Just talk, und yu vill hear for you self."

"Yeah! that might work...G'Day."

"Hello, darling, its Reddie, what took you so long?"

Aw! Heidie was muckin' around."

"I rang to tell you that I got home OK, and that it is great to hear your voice."

"How did you get the number?" Old Pete's curiosity has been known to kill several cats  in times past, before like , now sort of thing.

"I rang the Tourist Advisory Service and they knew where you were."

"That figures."

"Well, bye for now, I might get a chance to catch up with you later. Do you still love me?"

"Yeah! I still ain't sick yet."

"Oh! Goodie, you make me so happy...Bye."

By lunch time, everyone was hungry, the camels, the travellers, the crows circling over head, and going deeper into the hunger thing, Old Pete presumed that any critter scurrying about the hooves of the camels, and which has not eaten for some days would, most probably, be a bit peckish as well, although it is mainly birds that are peckish, and they do not normally get in the way of the camels Hooves, so the critters on the ground would be a tad famished in the pecking order of hungry critters. Herein again, we stumble over the terminology, how can animals that do not peck have a pecking order. I mean if there was a chance that the writer was in the least ways tending towards the pedagogic or the pedantic, the writer would track this discussion (Wiff me'sef' who else) to the uttermost ends of the dictionary, or to the far flung pages of an Encyclopaedia, even. However, (Say Nothing) The writer, wot is me, in case you were confused, is not any or either of the above, and will not pursue anything until after lunch, at least.

The Oasis was the run-of-the-mill type Oasis for the Outback. Large crystal clear water hole, palm trees, in- built breezes, soft grass to lay upon, no flies (Fair Dinkum), Parking for ve- heckles, and a touch of the Knights of the Round Table, with its own Camel-lot.

Old Pete started unloading the cargo camel, who's neck had become a little longer because of a few sudden V8 camel starts, but apart form that and the three ton load it was carrying, it was in good shape, for a camel, which does not boast a good shape at the best of times.

Heidi, in the meantime, discarded her clothes, (I thought that you could only discard cards) Oh! well, we will leave that one on the edge of the water hole with her discarded clothes, and any cards that may have been in her pockets.

The glistening waters glistened on her glistening body wot glistened in the sunlight, causing Old Pete to squint to get a good ogle at the glistening Heidi.

She frolicked the frolic of a free frolicker and called to Old Pete to join her for a bit of a rollicking frolic , which he did, and even naked, which was a bit of a far out thing for Old Pete, being so modest and conservative that he was. His discarded clothes and cards lay on the bank near Heidi's apparel apparently appearing to appear as they appeared to be, like, a heap of clothes. what else?

Parrots of all hues and colours and shades of hues and colours and mixtures of hues and colours of different  hues and mixtures  squawked their raucous noisy squawk in the tree tops. Kangaroos abounded as they bounded around the boundary of the oasis, Emus in twos, who coo's could be news to themselves as they cooed to other emus in twos and threes who walked under trees in the fresh in-built breeze of the oasis and other places, in steady paces, making funny faces at the glistening humans wot were not listening, but were glistening.

And such is the pace of the Oasis of the Outback where life slows down to a wander, and the heart beat goes slower, oxygen is depleted from the brain and one goes completely insane ( I have spent a lot of time in these Oasis-is so I know).

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